You Don't Have to Fuck These People or Raise Their Babies.

Its always like this

Me and a cup of tea. Dim lighting. The clock hour hand swung back around onto the single digit side. There's something refreshing about the night.

And something exhausting. When you work your life away; I enjoy it though. If I wasn't constantly preoccupied with something I would be a puddle of mess. My mind finds things to be preoccupied with; its who I am. I don't have a facebook, I just remain a ghost, lingering in the background of other peoples photos. You don't need to know who I am.

I liked it when it was my journal. Then it was my livejournal. Then it was myspace - which was cool because there were pictures and music. Facebook was the beginning of a new terrain I didn't want to cross into, especially with my job being where it was. DId you know that 1 out of 5 divorces are because of facebook. How many people are fired because of it? Thats the last thing I need is for one of my friends to write something absolutely ha-larious on my wall that my coworkers do not think is hilarious. Thats why I have 2 phones too. That, and I sell drugs, of course.

I just need to write. I need to sort this out and I have learned the hard way that I need to do it courteously and not involve other people that are not going to understand it in it. This is my deal. I had a long conversation with a coworker today, who is one hell of a resource, about the psychology of business. Business is all psychology. Its not evil that you have to become a different person for your job, its just reality, because your job is not - Reality that is.

Your job is not who you are. You don't have to fuck these people or raise their babies. You don't have to arrange their funerals even though sometimes you would like to ;) These are hard lessons to learn. Its a good thing I learned them fairly quick. This is also why celebrities are also always getting called out for being dipshits and douchebags; people really don't understand that they are real people forced to live their lives in front of a camera. Count me out.

And Hollywood.....has inspired a lot of great songs and movies. Like a good friend of mine said, "I loved it until I lived there." I'll keep my Lover City, Phoenix AZ, although San Diego is quite seductive even though there is never any place to park.

In a lot of ways I feel about my writing the way I feel about my job; I don't need to do it to be funny. I don't need to do it to be cool. I love it when I do manage to do these things and hope I hone the craft enough to one day put it on display. But I don't need a lot of people to see it. I don't need it to make people like me like I don't need to play the guitar to try to be sexy (even though it does feel good every once in awhile even if I only do it on weeknights in my bed in front of my cats and a portable DVD player with Penelope Cruz all over its ass trying to get me used to the way the Spanish language sounds when its spoken out loud)...

I just kind of need it to help me get back on track after my quarterlife quake.